Who Am I?

Am I him?

Am I the sorrow?

Am I she?

Who is she?

Beautiful? Intelligent?

Shriveled? Subservient?

Can I make an intelligent decision

For my shriveled soul?

Can I be beautiful

In a subservient pose?

I once knew -

Who I was

What I wanted

Where I went.

Now –

I make no plans

I dream no dreams

I go nowhere.

I walk

With my head down.

I walk

With my eyes closed.

I walk

With hope dying.

I once ran

Full speed ahead

Eyes to the future

Dreaming of adventure.

Walking is safer, adventure is

Fear of failure, losing

My soul

It aches

With loss,

Loss I have not tasted;

Except

In looking back at a young woman

I knew so well

Who ran, climbed, flew even

With so much energy, so much confidence.

She sang along with a nun, a song of confidence -

I silently cry

And cower.

Is this me?

Fears?

Tears?

Loss?

Pain?

A life lived in shadow,

But whose?

Shadows prevent burns,

Prevent growth.

Water leaps from red eyes

Trying to quench barren land

Scorched from unfailing attention.

Too much of one, too little of another.

Unbalanced

Is this who I am?

By Karen Robertson

1/25/12